


Green

by leit_sed3



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Crying Sam Winchester, Dean Bears The Mark of Cain, Dean Has Nightmares, Episode: s10e09 The Things We Left Behind, First Blade, Flashbacks, Gen, Internal Monologue, Mark of Cain, POV Dean Winchester, Post-Demon Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-03-19 09:30:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3605094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leit_sed3/pseuds/leit_sed3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"My knife is bloody, but are my eyes still green?" </p>
<p>My thoughts on what happened in Dean's mind at the end of  10x9 “The Things We Left Behind”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Green

My knife. My bloody knife. How did it happen? What just happened? My heart pounds. I stare at the wreckage around me. Two, three, four dead. " _It wasn't my fault_ " I tell myself " _I did it out of protection._ " But in my heart I know I'm lying to myself. Self defense doesn't require so much blood. As I kneel, dazed, He comes in with Sam. His eyes dart around in horror. I see Him grip His blade tighter, trying to keep His emotions in. He looks at me and I remember.

Yesterday, we had lunch. I told Him to stop me. I told Him that if I stray, to stop me. He promised. But, as I stare at Him across my work, He shakes His head. He won't do it. My eyes plead, but He is resolute.

Though my knife is bloody, are my eyes still green?

Sam runs to me and wakes me out of my daze. "Tell me you had to! Tell me it was either you, or them!" I don't know what to say. My eyes meet his. He's crying. My little Sammy is crying. What example have I set for him? A brother leads. Where am I leading him? My eyes fade and I see black.

My knife is red, but are my eyes still green?

Restless dreams, fitful sleep. Flashes of memories come and go. Black eyes. The stench of sulfur. Red hair. " _With the Mark comes a painful burden, a terrible price_ ". I thought I had paid it. I thought I was done. Sammy saved me once, he can do it again, right? " _No_ " a voice in my head whispers " _Not this time. No one can fix it._ " My arm burns. Black eyes. The stench of sulfur. Red hair. That knife. My knife. The knight's knife. Only a knight can kill a knight.

This is worse than Hell. Sammy couldn't save me then. But He did. Maybe He can do something. He raised me once from perdition. Isn't this, also, perdition? Can't He save me again? I think of His eyes and shudder. So blue, so pure. Why would He help me? An angel so perfect wouldn't want to get His hands dirty with... a demon. That's what I am, I guess. Once more, the lowest of the low. Men make mistakes. Am I worthy enough to be called a man? " _No_ " the voice whispers " _Not anymore._ "

My knife is red. Are my eyes still green?

My arm burns. Black eyes. The stench of sulfur. Red hair. I again slip into nothingness.

Though my knife is bloody, are my eyes still green?


End file.
